two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
