Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
