I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
