Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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