THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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