hotel room ftw
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize