Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
