Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
