what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
