She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She bit a glass in half.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
