Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
