i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Come share oat with me in your robe
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I came so hard my ears popped.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
