she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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