The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You're like the curious george of whores
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
