Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
