either way he was missing a nipple.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
