dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
