I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
