Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
