ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
