i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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