I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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