I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i've created a new STD.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
