She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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