airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
