I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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