im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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