i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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