i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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