Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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