afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
