Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
