butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize