I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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