dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i think im in europe. pls send help
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
