dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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