I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I am available for nakedness
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
