someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
