hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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