Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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