are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
