Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize