you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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