I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
