As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i need some magic done to my vagina
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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