Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
