When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
