Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
