I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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