why im i the only drunk person in the library?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
