OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
