Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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