no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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