I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
