Buhtt sex?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize