It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
