I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
NoShamevember. You game?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
