like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
