The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
