hotel room ftw
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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