You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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