Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
