I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Randomize
