her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
