Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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