Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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