She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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