I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
